New Baby On The Way? Read About Tips for Big Siblings.
This blog presents developmentally appropriate tips to help little ones transition from being an only child to being a big sibling. Tips are written by a mother of two, speech pathologist, and fairy godmother to some pretty cute babies.
The pregnancies with my two kids were very different for a myriad of reasons. With my first pregnancy, I was very worried about the labor and delivery process. (Will it hurt? Will I need a C-section? Will I finally be able to sleep on my stomach again?)
With my second, I was more comfortable with the labor and delivery process as I knew what to expect. I was most worried about how my oldest would respond to her new sibling. (Would she love or at least tolerate her new brother? Would she be upset when we brought him home?)
As I am a prepper I read and researched and tried almost everything a sane and very pregnant person could try to help my daughter to adjust. To disclose, I’m not a psychologist or an adjustment counselor but I am trained in child development. I thought others would like to know more about my favorite strategies that were worth the time and effort:
Encourage Play with a Baby Doll 👶🏽
Playing with a baby doll is my top recommendation, especially for younger kids. Play is how children learn and play can be a helpful tool to process emotions, change, and new concepts. Getting a doll for the big brother or sister to play with will help your oldest to practice holding, feeding, and diaper changing. It is also a great way to introduce language and vocabulary that they haven’t heard before or are not familiar with.
It is through play that children at a very early age engage and interact in the world around them. Play allows children to create and explore a world they can master, conquering their fears while practicing adult roles, sometimes in conjunction with other children or adult caregivers. — Kenneth R. Ginsburg
While playing, it is important to highlight for the big sibling realistically that the new baby will be loud and cry more than the baby doll. And that the new baby won’t eat and sleep the same way that they do. It is important to not oversell and to begin to set expectations. It is also a great time to reinforce that even when the baby is crying that the baby is okay and that the baby will be cared for. It is also a perfect way to review the concept of gentle in a natural context. My oldest kept poking the dolls eyes and we reviewed that her new sibling would not like that and that eye poking could hurt her brother.
When the new baby arrives, the baby doll makes for a great parallel play opportunity. When parents feed the baby, the big sibling can feed the baby too. My oldest child nursed her babydoll right alongside me.
Let Them Make Choices and Help 🙋🏼
Children want to feel included in decision-making so that they feel like they are part of the big event. Small children will not understand the changes that are happening around them and giving them some say and control over small choices can have a big impact.
I am not saying let your oldest name the baby, but I have heard of that happening. Instead maybe let them decide the print of the crib sheets, how many diapers should go in the diaper bag, or where to hang a picture. While they are making choices and helping, praise their participation. “I think baby brother will love the giraffe you picked out!” or “I bet the new baby will love the yellow sheets!”. This will help them have a good association with the changing process.
When the new baby arrives, circle back to the choices and decisions that the big sibling made. Explain to the new baby that “big sister picked out the outfit” or “big brother helped with the new sheets”. A job well done helps for children to feel important.
Make Special Time ⏰
Children of any age benefit from this recommendation. Children, and all humans really, want to feel secure and reassured that they are a priority. It is important that the older child feels that their relationship and love with their parent(s) and caregiver(s) is a constant with all of the changes that are occurring.
This recommendation can be difficult to achieve when the new baby arrives but it is crucial. Devote a few minutes of uninterrupted time to the big sibling’s care specifically apart from the new baby if possible. This time can be worked into the daily routine such as reading them a bedtime story or picking out breakfast. Uninterrupted time helps to reinforce to the child that they are loved and important.
Prepare For Behavior Changes ⚠️
It is normal for the big sibling to have some behavior changes when the new baby comes. Being a big sibling and all of the changes that go along with that is a lot to process. I know that there was a big shift for me when I went from parenting one child to two and it required changes and adjustments in every facet of my life. The same goes for the big sibling. Processing these changes and the emotion that they have around the changes may be difficult, especially for small children.
Small children especially between the ages of 2 and 3 are working on their autonomy with many self-care skills and may even be using the toilet. It is not uncommon to see some regression with these skills when the new baby is home. The older sibling may insist that a parent feed them when they were feeding themselves independently. A child that was able to consistently use the toilet may have more incontinent events. Many children during this phase are distracted and sleeping less as well. This may be normal but if you are concerned or it persists, check in with your child’s pediatrician for support.
Books 📚
I am a big fan of reading books with children as it helps them to learn new vocabulary and process new information. If you are interested in learning more about the importance of literacy, check out my blog about that here. In addition to the above suggestions there are many lovely books available to read with your oldest child to help with this transition. I have listed a few of my favorites here:
Summary
Overall, becoming a new sibling is a big life event for any child. It is an exciting time for everyone but can be a challenge for some children. It is helpful to prepare the big sibling and check in with them frequently to let them know that their bond with you is still very strong, that you love them very much, and that nothing, including a new baby, will change that.
TLC Speech Therapy is a speech pathology private practice, headquartered in Boston, Massachusetts, that specializes in feeding, swallowing, and communication skills in infants, children, teens, and adults.
For more information check out our website at tlcspeechtherapy.com or contact us at hello@tlcspeechtherapy.com
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